Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
