I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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