youre lurking in front of me
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
