i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
