you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
