How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
