I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Nobody cheats on THIS.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
