she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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