i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
