Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
