Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
