i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
