Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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