either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
