someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
