ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
