So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
