The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
