Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
