Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
