I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
