I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
