I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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