he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
