are you still at the devil's house?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
