So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
