Just fell off a train. Bad.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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