Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
