She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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