i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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