The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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