I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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