she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
