I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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