chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
That accounts for only three of the penises
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
