??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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