i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Randomize
