Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
