Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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