i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
