i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
