This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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