You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
