She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
