I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
