she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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