in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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