he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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