i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
