if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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