Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
